The ground is thawing, the birds are singing in the morning sunlight and there are buds on the trees; this can only mean one thing: SPRING HAS SPRUNG!!! And I can confusedly confirm that, since my last post, there has been some springtime romance brewing in my life. So long have I been living an almost ascetic existence (okay, yes, so I do love oysters and champagne), that this heady mix of blossoming romance and the excitement of a burgeoning spring has been attempting to knock me off balance.
There is a lot happening in my life right now that requires my focus and demands that I be poised in my centre if I am to bring it to fruition. I have been writing my application for the MA programme that I really want to do the following year after I graduate: 2013-2014, and have been trying to dig deep to come up with the goods. My three written assignments for this term will all be due in the last week of April. I find essays extremely challenging (not in a good way) and I still have a lot of reading to do as well. Must sit an extremely difficult exam on the 23rd May, after which I will have completed the third (penultimate) year and I am simply going to go away on holiday. Yea! The next Midnight Steakout is coming up on 5th May: Spring Fling Teen Scream American High School Prom (I will sing my songs, organise a surf and turf dinner for 130 people and massive afterparty) and this will no doubt require more of myself than I think I have to give. When the moment arrives, I must have everything ordered and in its proper place. My best friend is getting married in May and though she plans to keep it low-key, I hope to add some extravagance to the proceedings wherever she will let me (at the very least a day at the spa and some fancy white silk lingerie). My latest recordings are still in the process of being mixed and I do hope to finally finish what I have started. Slowly, slowly. Progress on the novel is coming along, it is fundamental at this stage that a daily writing discipline be strictly adhered to in order to steadily move forward with it. The ability to bring something into the light from the depths of your soul where no one else can see it is (for me) inextricably tied in with daily meditation, chanting, regular yoga practice, practicing piano, singing, walking, not drinking too much, healthy body, healthy mind, healthy spirit.
Have been thinking a lot about how much it matters where you come from, and how this compares with what you are now or where you are going; how you can make what you possess inside visible to the outside world. It is easy and lazy to pigeon hole people and say they are just this or just that or whatever. Insert your own derogatory stereotype here: American, posh, uneducated, Paki, chav, dole-scum, toff, model, rude boy, essex girl, working-class, junkie, Rhodesian, batty-boy, hippie, nigger, bitch, hick, paddy, ned, wide boy, Tory, estate pigeon; this hateful list could go on practically indefinitely. Disregarding entire groups or nations of people as a result of what they do, how much money they have, what they look like, what accent they speak with or where they come from is a dangerously ignorant practice. On the other hand, is it not only natural to judge the cut of a man’s jib by what he has made with what he was given; by the measure of the man he has made of himself; by what he believes (or refuses to believe), how tolerant and open-minded he is, what he has overcome, what he has learned, achieved and created? This seems to be one of the only true ways we can peer inside of someone’s soul to what truly lies beneath (okay, this and possessing an extraordinary sense of humour and an impressive vocabulary). You will be recognised by the fruits you bear.
This sentiment also seems to be true in love, particularly in the beginning, when you are both attempting to plumb the so far fathomless depths of each other (this was not meant to sound so much like a euphemism and I am paraphrasing anyway). While there is no doubt an initial sense of recognition with someone when you have that love at first sight experience- when you look into each other’s eyes and it feels as if you are gazing into eternity, or the lives of ancient ancestors who perhaps genetically predisposed you to be attracted to just this person- there is also no denying that this period of plumming each other’s wits and other gifts you have been crafting during your time here on earth is a necessary procedure. Because while there is a certain amount which can be gleaned by asking the standard questions, and more of which can be perceived through the senses, there is perhaps no better way to see inside of someone than to see what he has managed to produce with his hands in this life that he is now living. You will be recognised by the fruits you bear.
So, placing the delightful distractions of blossoming spring and romance to the side as much as is humanly possible, I must now retreat back into the depths to retrieve the flowering fruits from within, which so far only I know that I have growing inside. Back into monk mode it is then, until my work is complete. After all, am I not otherwise just your average Floridian Londoner; just another small-town girl from Florida who has come to the big city of London to make good?