Why Go Fishing For Carp When You Could Be Diving For Pearls?

New Year's Morning

New Year’s Morning 2013

As I write this, I sit on a train to the countryside to meet my friends for New Years Eve. I did, as it goes, spend Christmas on my own, and can report that it was a surprisingly pleasant and enjoyable experience, despite the fact that I defied the traditional conventions and made some new traditions of my own. But, in spite of my solitude, somehow my heart still got a bit bruised, and I also managed to make my jeans fit a bit tighter in the process too. Time for a pre-spring purge methinks, so here goes.

Two songs that I love, that to me are precious and rare gems that will serve as a perfect and relevant musical accompaniment to this piece are here, for your pleasure:

‘Shipbuilding’ sung by Robert Wyatt here,

and ‘Leah’ by Roy Orbison,

a song so profoundly beautiful that I have included links to two versions of this song, one here and the other one, a rendition that may be capable of breaking your heart with its beauty here.

In case you were wondering, I finally got what resembled a straight answer from Mr Prince Charming. He did write to say Merry Christmas, tra la la la la. Knowing that he would have read my last post, Giving It All You’ve Got (where I double-dared him to come charging in on horseback to amp up the romance), when he said that he was out fishing with his dad, I asked him what he was fishing for, invited to come see me and asked if he would bring me a fish. A bit of a weird request perhaps but the subtext was obvious- will you be coming to see me in the not too distant future (before that fish is rotten)? He responded to say that he was fishing for carp, and that he has ‘recently started trying to see someone seriously and so meeting up is probably off the cards’. What a load of total carp.

Carp Love

Carp Love

Fishing for carp, huh? You really cannot write anything funnier than life itself. For anyone who does not know, carp are generally considered all but inedible in most cultures. They are pursued for sport, or for the pleasure of sitting in the great outdoors trying to catch a fish. Once they have been caught they are thrown back, alive but surely not totally unaffected, lips ripped by sporting hooks. What a perfect metaphor for our romance and what has gone down between us. Whether or not I actually believe that he is seeing someone seriously is irrelevant, it really does not matter either. Perhaps he is, maybe it has always been a bit too intense and out of control between us, maybe it is just easier for him to date a nice girl about whom he can be the master of the way he feels. Love is scary, and challenging, and unpredictable. My instinct tells me that he is not, but I suppose it is the same outcome either way, he is no longer interested in pursuing things any further with me. And, after nine months of struggling on the line, there will be no great love affair, not even a passionate embrace of bodies, naked as children, intertwined, no fishy feast cooked on a beachy campfire from a catch whose yield was apparently always destined to return to the stormy waters. Maybe he will always be remembered to me as the fish that got away. Maybe there could have been a love that was thiiiisss big. I accept this turn of events as being exactly as it should be and I am moving on; I’m untangling hooks from twisted, bloodied mouths and swimming free on my merry way.


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The love I hope to someday find, nestled at the bottom of the sea of life, will not be best described by the same carp metaphor as best describes this almost love affair. I will take a full breath and swim down as deep as I can. I will rise to the surface with my haul. If needs be I will cut my hands opening oyster shells, I will keep on searching even after I’ve opened 1000 shells or more, I will eat my way through each and every oyster that I meet until I find that resplendent, elusive and magical pearl that will represent the rarest of life’s gifts- true love. The world is my oyster and that love will be the rarest and most valuable pearl.

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images-3In the meantime, I will give thanks for the pearls that are already present and true in my existence. These pearls are the beauty and joy of being alive for life’s sake, including but not limited to: health, abundance, knowledge, art, nature, solitude, freedom, independence, happiness, light, focus, talent, laughter, luxury, intelligence, vision, peace, creativity, music, the ability to dream and the love of family and friends. Here are some delightful photographs of some (but not all! sorry if I missed you, these were what I had to hand, I deleted my photo library) of the bountiful harvest of love that I regularly enjoy.

Sending you all love and happy new year wishes! Keep diving for those precious pearls!

Until next time,

AGJ xxxxxxxxx

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About Gracie Johnson

wordsmith, songstress
Gallery | This entry was posted in written by A. Grace Johnson and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Why Go Fishing For Carp When You Could Be Diving For Pearls?

  1. Angela Lindvall says:

    I Love You Amanda! I love to see you diving for those pearls! And remember, its only under great pressure that a diamond is created. In our loneliness and aching, in our pain and longing is where we blossom into the infinite. Thank you for the birthday wishes:) I too will spend my day in solitude basking in stillness.
    xx Ange

  2. mafalda says:

    Hi Amanda beautiful funny woman, you keep diving but do not forget with a knife held in your mouth, you never know what you might find… love love love xxx

  3. Lauren Jones says:

    Beautiful. Love you xxxxxx

  4. Amanda says:

    Hi Amanda,
    I’ve enjoyed reading your adventures, although they have left me feeling I may not have had enough of my own. But that’s another story. You may not remember me but we were friends a very long time ago. Ok, very may be a little dramatic but it’s been awhile. My name is Amanda Voyles, you may recall my awkward shyness or perhaps my giraffe like stature. I happened to run into your mother while thrifting today and she mentioned your blog. I just wanted to say hi and let you know how thought provoking your words are.

    • thesilverjay says:

      Hi Amanda, of course I remember you. We had such great fun when we were small (er). Feel really pleased if I have inspired you to have some more adventures of your own. Hope your life is wonderful. Lets catch up when I am next in town. Or let me know if you ever pass through London. xx

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